Ho Hum

Well, with the Pirates having a day off in quarantine like a swine flu victim, the Pens sitting at home watching reruns of 'Maury' ("you are not the father"), and the Steelers doing God knows what, there really isn't a lot to talk about in the realm of sports today.

So, I thought I'd just share one of my favorite movies.

The 1991 action movie 'Stone Cold' starring Brain Bosworth is clearly one of the best movies ever made. There's really no debate to this and if you haven't seen it then do yourself a favor and watch it now. I could ramble on and on about it's astounding qualities, but it's best not to ruin it for you.

That is all.

Morning Dump

Well, I suppose this may be how the Captain of the Titanic felt as he saw that he was headed straight into the iceberg. This is what us Pirate fans have been dreading...when's the wheel gonna fall off, when's the other shoe gonna drop, when's the ship gonna sink, when am I gonna shit my pants.


- Pirates' game story. On one hand, you gotta say that Snell pitched a great game, and he did, but a huge stain on his effort is giving up the only run of the game on a homerun to the opposing pitcher.

- Hopefully the Pirates take Adam LaRoche's quote to heart and move forward:

"Good time for an off day. Forget about it."

- Oh, and in case you wanted another punch in the nuts, the Pirates' losing streak against the Brewers extended to 14 games in a row dating to last May and 17 in a row at Miller Park, dating to May 2007.

- And now to piss on you when you're down, Pirates' prized prospect Jose Tabata is out 4-6 weeks.

- Andy LaRoche has been playing well lately.

- News and notes on the Pens here, including looking around to see if anyone's seen the player formerly known as Petr Sykora.

- Why does NBC have to show an hour and a half of fluff before the Kentucky Derby anyway? The Derby never runs til 6something anyway. I like to watch the Derby, but if I wanted to see two hours of horses running, I'd watch a highlight reel of Elway running.

- Comcast still sucks.

Pens - Caps

Seth at the P-G has a nice little preliminary breakdown of the series and how each player performed in the regular season series.

As you can clearly see, the Pens didn't do so hot in the regular season against the Caps. The big difference now though is that rookie Simeon Varlamov is in the cage for the Caps. He just got done facing an anemic offensive team in the Rangers that didn't really challenge him. It'll be a key to the series to see how he fares against a more dynamic scoring team like the Pens. The Pens clearly showed that playing in a hostile environment doesn't rattle them, as they won two games in Philly, which is considered to be one of the more tougher arenas in sports to play in.

My official prediction is "Pain" and the Pens closing it out at home in Game 6.

Morning Dump

"Hey look kids, there's Big Ben, and there's Parliament"


Well, I'm beginning to think that the Pirates will never win in Milwaukee. I'm wondering what will happen first: the Pirates win in Milwaukee or Clark W. Griswold is able to get left in the traffic circle.

- The Pirates blew a 5-1 lead in middle innings last night. Maholm was wild, but fought and got out of some jams early. It's discouraging though to not win a game where your ace is staked a 4 run lead halfway through the game and you still can't win.

- Speaking of discouraging and Pirates... former Pirate great Chris Duffy is getting a shot with the Brewers.

- "Retired" Smizik makes a case and defends Bob Nutting. Talk amongst yourselves...

- Pens news, Bylsma had the interim tag removed from his job title and is now The coach of the Pens.

- The Pens face the Washington Caps in the next round of the playoffs. The schedule can be found here. Stay tuned as I give a lackluster analysis of my own and rip of others' points of view when I preview the series.

Foote Released

The Steelers released LB Larry Foote today.

Foote wanted more playing time. Timmons is ready to start now anyway. I like Foote, but he's like my stained undies, replaceable.

Although it's somewhat shocking since it comes just after the draft and we could've drafted Maualuga if we'd have known this would come about.

Although this will free up some cap room and could be beneficial in the long run.

The Monkey

Can someone, anyone, get the monkey off the back of the Pirates at Miller Park?

With last night's loss, they've now lost 16 in a row at Miller Park, 13 in a row against the Brewers wherever they play.

Last night could've been the game to break it. After Karstens labored through 5 innings of home run derby pitching, the bullpen shut the door. That is until Yates couldn't throw a strike to save his life and then Grabow came in to throw gas on the fire. A 5-run 8th, after a gritty comeback in the top of the inning by us to tie it up, lost the game for us.

Things are looking up though as Maholm pitches tonight to hopefully even the series, get the monkey off our backs, and set up a rubber match for tomorrow.

What Happened With Rey?

That was my biggest question after the draft. I found an "L.A. Times" article that kind of answers it. Although after reading that he refers to USC as "Linebacker U" I'm glad he ended up in NFL hell (The state of Ohio). Watch out for the Hines Ward blocks buddy.

An F? F You Douchebag.

ESPN has a handy tabulation of all the "expert's" draft grades.

The Steelers' cumulative was much like mine Freshman year in college, a 2.56 GPA. I wonder if the Steelers boozed Thurs-Sunday and slept in, missing classes, only to wake up and watch 'Springer' too.

Their GPA is brought down by some douchebag from The Sporting News who gave them an F.

Can somebody please tell me how this explanation from the guy warrants an F:

"It's hard to have an impressive draft after you win the Super Bowl and pick 32nd. Defensive tackle Evander "Ziggy" Hood could be a nice pickup on a line that needed to get younger. Wideout Mike Wallace is an intriguing deep threat."

He doesn't even have anything negative or damaging to say. In fact, he says good things, but he still gives an F?

I hope he gets the swine flu.

Nine Shot at block party to commemorate other people who have been lost to violence

Nine shot, including one fatally, at a Jacksonville block party

Police say they have no suspects after the incident Saturday night.

One person was shot and killed and another eight were wounded when someone opened fire on a block party near McDuff Avenue north of Interstate 10 late Saturday night.

Police identified the deceased as 21-year-old Dominique Andrew Waters of Jacksonville. No other names were released.

Of the eight who people who were wounded, all are in stable condition at area hospitals. Two of the wounded are juveniles. Police originally said eight people were shot but upped that to nine on Sunday afternoon. All of the victims were between 17 and 21 years old, police said.

Jacksonville Sheriff's Office Lt. Larry Schmitt said late Saturday night that the shooting happened about 9:30 p.m. at the 200 block of Bronson Street. About 200 people were attending the block party, when someone began shooting into the crowd, Schmitt said.

Police didn't know what the party was for or what the motive was for the shooting. There was a permit for the block party, police said, but they did not provide the name of the host. No arrests were made and police had no suspects or solid leads.

Nearby resident Eddie Diamond, who was not at the block party, said it was to commemorate other people who have been lost to violence.

Jacksonville Fire and Rescue spokesman John Bracey said there were so many police units in the area that JFRD had to ask them to move so rescue units could enter the area. Eighteen fire and rescue units responded to the shooting.

"At a couple of points it was so volatile and dangerous we could not enter the scene," Bracey said. "Police told us to stay out."

Police roped off a four-block area and put a helicopter unit in the air.

Morning Dump

How bout them Pirates!!

Like this guy said, 2 out of 3 from the Padres over the weekend. In related prediction news, tonight's lotto number is 4-9-1.

That puts the Pirates at four games over .500 and guarantees their first winning April since 2002. That, above, is a picture of our Pittsburgh Pirates going after the NL Pennant, or at least how I see it in my head.


- Yesterday's game recap here.

It was a good game. Ohlendorf skirted through some trouble and the offense did just enough against Peavy until Adam LaRoche sealed the deal with his three run homer. Lastly, what can we say at this point about LaRoche?

- How about some kudos for Baby LaRoche while we're at it. Ten game hit streak, along with more solid D, for a guy that started out 0 for 20.

- Dejan from the P-G linked this good NY Post article. It's some 'looking back' thinking about the Nady trade from last year and how the Pirates got the best of it.

- Ed Bouchette's pick by pick look at the draft picks of the Steelers.

- The Trib's view of the draft.

- Kiper gives us a B. Since it's an Insider article, here's the scoop:

"First-round selection Evander Hood was a good pick because he should fit in well as a defensive tackle in the Steelers' system. I love third-round wide receiver Mike Wallace's speed. Cornerback Joe Burnett and running back Frank Summers were good selections in the fifth round. Defensive tackle Ra'Shon Harris could be a steal out of the sixth round. "

- McShay's take. Again, an Insider:

"Best pick: G Kraig Urbik, Wisconsin (Third round, No. 79 overall)
Worst pick: DT Evander Hood, Missouri (First round, No. 32 overall)
Bottom line: The Steelers traded out of the second round and got value in the third round in what is a comparatively lean overall class. Urbik is a big, tough guard who fits the classic Steelers mold and will bolster the interior of the offensive line. Hood has some versatility and can fit as an end in Pittsburgh's 3-4 front, but he tends to play high and I'm not sure he's ideally suited to taking on blockers. WR Mike Wallace and CB Keenan Lewis could develop into solid role players, and CB Joe Burnett could be the diamond in the rough in this group."


Overall, I think it was a good draft. We drafted for needs, stockpiled some picks, talent, and depth. Some players could turn out to be steals. There're no names that reach out, grab ya, chloroform ya, tie you up with duck tape, then take you home, but it's still a good deep class.

Read it here first, A.Q. Shipley makes the team and is our starting center in two years.

- The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of the Pens first round series.

Frank the Tank! Frank the Tank!

Exciting news from day 2 of the NFL draft. The Steelers picked up Frank "The Tank" Summers from UNLV. Unfortunately for us, but fortunate for Summers he didn't get his name from getting hammered after a few beer bongs and streaking the quad. He got it because he's 5'10" and 230 pounds. I don't think Ray Lewis will be breaking one of The Tank's shoulders with one hit. And oh yeah, he follows in the footsteps of the great Ickey Woods. He was the last UNLV Rebel running back to get drafted.

FRANK SUMMERS UNLV CAREER OFFENSIVE STATISTICS

YEAR GP-GS ATT YDS AVG TD LG REC YDS TD LG

2008 12-12 183 740 4.0 8 45 13 150 2 48

2007 12-12 202 928 4.6 6 49 23 252 4 56

Tot. 24-24 385 1,668 4.4 14 49 36 402 6 56

Morning Dump, An Expanded Sunday Version

Eight beers and a shot of whiskey on the golf course will do that to a man.


- The Pens send the Flyers to the golf course, closing them out, in sweet fashion, on their home ice. Crosby, fueled by the taunts of the Philly crowd, nets two goals. The Pens now wait for their Round 2 opponent.

What else can you say at this point about the Pens? They got the help they needed from players not named Malkin and Crosby. Fleury did what he does, and they roll on.

- Prisuta wonders if the Flyers were over confident being up 3-0.

- Collier with a good article on Talbot.

- The Pirates evened up their series against the Padres. I found that out this morning after I passed out at 10:30 last night, half-sunburned and half-drunk. Looks like the bats woke up and Duke had another great pitching outing.

- In other Pirate news, Jack Wilson heads to the DL to ponder his terrible game on Friday.

- Penn State had their Spring Blue-White game yesterday. Trib coverage here. CDT coverage here.

- The Draft, Rounds 1 and 2, took place yesterday. The Steelers took a DT with the last pick in Round 1. I think it's a good pick as, for how good the D-line is, they're getting older. They traded their Round 2 pick for an extra pick in Round 3. They'll be extra busy today. The P-G has a look at today.

Morning Dump

- The McLouth-less Pirates lost a tough extra innings game to the Padres last night. Normally reliable Matt Capps did his best Rick Vaughn impression as he walked two in the 11th, putting the winning run on second, and then giving up the single that drove him in. Walks will kill you. Hopefully it's an aberration for Capps. In good Bucco news though, the bullpen threw 5 scoreless innings up to that point.

- According to those who have the time to study these things, the it's cheaper to take in a Pirate game at PNC this year compared to last, bucking MLB trends. On the other hand, drinking 15 beers at the park is still too expensive.

- The Pens are getting next to no production from those not named Crosby or Malkin. This needs to change or we'll be on the verge of a major chokejob.

- The Draft is today. The Steelers don't pick until midnight or something. There's no link. I don't particularly care at this point.

ESPN Gives the Pirates Good Press

Jayson Stark in his latest chat:


Mike (Pittsburgh): Jayson, thoughts on the Pirates thus far?

Jayson Stark: It's great to see a team that plays that hard, and they've done that since Day One of spring training. And Joe Kerrigan has done an amazing job with their pitching. They lead the league in ERA and rotation ERA. But this is another team without enough impact bats, I think. This is the most depth they've had in a decade. But I don't see enough upside in that lineup -- not until Pedro Alvarez arrives, anyway.



Jerry Crasnick:


Brandon (Boca Raton, FL): I know it's still early, but it looks like the Pirates have finally found some legit starting pitching...do you think they can develop into a contender within the next 2-3 years, especially with the impending arrival of McCutchen, Alvarez and Tabata to the lineup?

Jerry Crasnick: Brandon, They have to be encouraged with the impact that new pitching coach Joe Kerrigan has had on that staff. Maholm is legit, Ohlendorf and Snell have always had very good stuff, and Zach Duke's mechanics really got messed up under the old regime. With McCutchen and Alvarez on the way, the Pirates actually have some things to get excited about. What a novel concept!

Pirates' Weekend Series

Our beloved Buccos are at Go F Yourself San Diego this weekend.

Here are the pitching matchups:


Friday - Snell vs. Correia

Saturday - Duke vs. Hill

Sunday - Ohlendorf vs Peavy


If our pitchers pitch the way they have been, another sweep is possible. Of course, if I my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle.

I say we get 2 out of 3.

Pens Forgot to Show Up

"Desperation is a stinky cologne"

- Chief Grady, Super Troopers


Well, not at the beginning though. They dominated, thoroughly, the first period. They however forgot to come out of the locker room after that. It was clear in the second and the third period that the desperate team, the Flyers, simply wanted it more. Desperation can lead men to many things. Some good, and some bad. For example, desperation led a friend of mine to hooking up with a girl so foul we nicknamed her 'Christmas Fudge', but that is just one example of a good act of a desperate man.

Anyway, The Pens played as if they were hoping that the Flyers were just gonna lay down for them faster than the girl slobbering all over herself at the bar you're talking to as 'Last Call" is yelled.

All things considered though, the series is back 'on serve', and the Pens still have the upper hand.

They need to work a little harder though. They can't be like me and just roll out of bed and be great with no effort.

Morning Dump

And after having a McD's quarter pounder and fries at 10 pm on the way home from the hockey game, it's a doozy.


- Seems that FSN didn't want to show the debacle that was the Pens game last night.

- If you want to torture yourself further, here's a recap.

- Mock draft opinion # 5793 has the Steelers looking at CB tomorrow.

- Paterno taking the high road and saying the right things about Bowden and hoping that he doesn't have to forfeit those wins. Ironic that Paterno gets a mention in a post entitled "morning dump"?

- Great article about Joe Kerrigan and how he's affected the Pirates' staff.

- Buster Olney, the only ESPN writer not named Gammons who's worth reading, has a great blog article about the Pirates.

No Breaks on the Off Day

Every NL central team except the Bucs and Astros had an afternoon game today. Giving the Buccos a chance to taste a little first place without doing a thing. Alas, Albert Pujols screws them again. Two dongs for that guy, while the Cards blast the Mets. Bucs share second with the Cubs. Brewers Dave Bush damn near threw a no hitter. Former Pirate great Matt Stairs blew it with a ball off the foul pole for the Phils.

Almost Shave Time

Well, we all know that the age old hockey playoff tradition is to grow the 'hockey beard' as the playoffs go on. We're hopefully getting close to the Flyers having to trim up.

I'm feeling confident about this game. I think the Pens close it out tonight.

I'll be there.

Morning Dump

Yes, we all do it, some more than once.


Trib Links today, since that's what I was reading while doing said morning dump:

- The Trib cites, like I did yesterday, Adam LaRoche's abnormally fast start and wonders too if in fact the world is ending. It's either a case of great mind's thinking alike or the fact that it's so shocking an idiot like me could recognize it as well.

- Great article detailing an interesting fact: The Pirates franchise value and profit margin is dipping. This could have many repercussions for our beloved Buccos in the future if it continues.

- Prisuta takes a break from being on his knees in front of Jim and Randy and writes a good article on our recent 1st round draft successes. F the draft, F Casper Gomez, and F the Diaz Brothers.

- Prisuta goes 2 for 2 today and wonders whether Satan would be better to play for the Pens than Sykora. It's an interesting take, but I say no. Anyone who hopped into bed with Saddam Hussein as his gay lover shouldn't be playing hockey. Sorry Satan.

- Lastly, those going to the hockey game tonight are asked to participate in a Whiteout. Sounds good, anyone got Peter North's contact information to complete the look? What, too much? Screw you for judging me.

Wehnerless

Following your favorite teams from the other side of the country can be a little tough. But I have already found one perk of the MLB extra innings package... road announcers calling Bucco games.

Now instead of listening to John Wehner ramble on about the gout in John Russell's elbow while Zach Duke is in the process of giving up one hit during five innings, I get to hear the take on the Bucs from the other side.

During Wednesday, final game against the Marlins I realized I was hearing more about the Pirate players than I ever have during an FSN Pittsburgh broadcast.

On top of that it's been interesting to hear the different tone those opposing analysts have taken with the Pirates in this short season. In the opening series the Cardinals' guys talked about the Pirates like someone would talk about a gnat that's been bothering you. One of the guys even talked about how the Pirates can be dangerous early in the season, because the guys don't realize they don't have a chance yet. Wednesday, a different story. The Marlins' men in the booth raved about the defense, and timely hitting from the squad that was showing the red-hot Fish how it's done.

Well, if those guys think these Pirates aren't too bad, maybe there is hope is this year.

Or maybe we're just waiting for Russell's gout to flare up.

Yes, But Did He Inhale?

Penn State football dodges a bullet today with LB Navorro Bowman avoiding jailtime for breaking his parole by admitting to smoking pot twice.

This is good news for Penn State as Bowman, should he keep himself out of trouble from now on, will most likely (knowing how PSU operates) now just be suspended for a game or two against the likes of SW Rhode Island Christian Tech and DeVry University.

Should he get thrown in jail though, a word of advice to guarantee that nobody messes with you and survive:

1. Walk up and just deck the biggest mofo in there.

or

2. Crap in your hand, smear it on yourself and eat it.

Either way, nobody's laying a hand on you.

Pens, Pirates, Steelers and Maulers

Da Pens : Last night it was the Marc Andre Fleury show in Game 4. The guy stopped over 40 shots and there was no overtime period. The Flyers threw everything from pucks to kitchen sinks to Rosie O'donnell at Fleury and he didn't blink. The Flyers loan goal was nothing more than a sympathy goal by Fleury. He was feeling a little bad for dominating as badly as he did that he allowed a glorified minor leaguer like Daniel Carcillo to score. If you think about it, that was like rubbing salt into the wounds of the Flyers better players.

Pens up 3-1 in the series going home Thursday to eliminate the Flyers. Something them and their fans are used to this time of the year.

Da Buccos : I heard a joke today that the Pittsburgh Pirates had just swept the hottest team in Major League Baseball and were carrying a 9-6 record. I like just about every other human with a heartbeat and some small reptiles laughed. Reality is, it's not a joke. Somehow the Pittsburgh Pirates are really doing this well. Paul Maholm may not have had his strongest game of the season but the Pirates still won the game by 3 runs.

9-6?? Not very often the Pirates are above .500 by 3 games. We should all be thankful for this moment. Next on the list for the Pirates are the San Diego Padres. The Pads are 9-5, should be a good series.

Did I mention that as of writing this, the Pirates are a half of a game out of first place?

Da Steelers : Biggest rumor going around prior to this weekends draft is that the Steelers are looking for a WR/Return Man. Plenty of rumors circulating about the Buffalo Bills - Roscoe Parrish. Nothing more than rumors at this point. Steelers offseason will rapidly heat up during and after the draft as fans pick apart the draft picks, internet geeks get pissed that their 35th mock draft they've made since October matches up nowhere near what really happened.

www.thepensforum.com
www.thesteelersforum.com
www.thebuccosforum.com

Today's Late Update...

More degenerate friends are joining to author and try to steer this crazy ship....


As far as sports:


The Buccos won today, making us all taste even more of that early season Kool-Aid. Adam LaRoche is having an April that's making him look like the second coming of Roy Hobbs. At this rate, he'll be batting .450 in August. The Pirates travel West to go play the "Go F Yourself San Diego" Padres. We here may get a live report from the game.


As for the Pens, the weather is supposed to be nice outside on Friday, which means the golf courses will be busy. With the Flyers best interest in mind, I'd suggest that they make tee times now to get out on the course in due time Friday. By then, they'll have a lot of free time on their hands.


In case nobody's heard, the Steelers have some sort of event coming up on Saturday. A future rant on the overblown-ness of the Draft will be forthcoming.


In other random news:


We here at Viva Derek Bell also are hoping to sometime soon have a full report on the benefits of the Versaclimber.

Welcome

Welcome to yet another self-absorbed, "hey look at me, I have a blog", online blog. Specifically here, we write about Pittsburgh sports, and yes, Penn State counts.

You can expect hastily thrown together stories, game and news recaps, idiotic opinions, random rants, and just a generality of things that may not make much sense from time to time.

We encourage you to check back often and to have some fun with us and, most importantly, at our expense.

Lastly, If you don't know the reference in the blog's title, then shame on you, please self nutpunch yourself, then click here to read all about he who it's named after.

So I bid you adieu for now and remember, those who don't put the lotion on the skin, will in fact get the hose again.